Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. -William Goldman, The Princess Bride
I’m in a dull pain. Maybe I won’t make it to the D & C on Monday. That thought frightens me a bit. I’m not really afraid of pain. I’m not a fan by a long shot but I can handle it. Its just pain. I’m more concerned about facing the miscarriage head on. Call me chicken but there are clear reasons I chose a D & C. I don’t want to see…it.
I am a coward. I get anxious over little things that I don’t know or understand. Like when I have to call a vendor for work…if I’ve never spoken to them before I get all stressed out and have near panic attacks. I do manage to calm myself down. I get the call done. I manage to overcome the fear…but…for the time before I swallow it down? Well I’m a wreck! This situation is worse. What happens if the miscarriage starts before I manage to get to the surgery? What do I do? Does the surgery still happen? Will I have to continue with the miscarriage naturally?
Not knowing something terrifies me. Waiting makes me impatient. Grains through an hour glass and all that jazz. Dull aches, impatience, nervous butterflies, heart flutter, and insomnia…these are the symptoms of my miscarriage. Emotionally, mentally, or physically…in this life event…pain isn’t even a concern.
The Silence Between Counts 
My heart breaks for your loss, having lived through it myself. The feeling of loss diminishes over time, but never goes away completely. You are brave and you are loved.